It's time, folks! After many years of hibernation, He Has Returned! Tarmac has traveled far and wide, but his adventures are just beginning! Join Tarmac as he faces the terror of...The Collection!
We join our intrepid heroes as they (finally) travel to a new state, and have a (new) adventure!
"I say, every time we get out of this box, something weird happens."
"Heh, funny, I used to say the same thing."
"We've been in there a long time. I never thought we'd get to travel again. Where are we?"
"Massachusetts, according to the Guide. Somewhere near the Cape."
"What's wrong with Fernando?"
"He's dead. Probably suffocated from being in storage too-long."
"Well, no time to waste. It's on to adventure!"
(Some time later...)
"Do you see what I see?"
"Get our camera-bot to pull out."
"WE ARE THE COLLECTION."
"WE ARE THE COLLECTION. YOU WILL BE COLLECTED."
"WE WILL ADD YOUR UNIQUENESS AND VALUE TO OUR OWN."
"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."
Chodebot: "Well, that's it, then. Death by assimilation. I always wondered how I'd go."
Tarmac: "Yes, perhaps this 'assimilation' isn't such a bad thing. Remember those fem-bots at Northerns?"
"Ahem. Excuse me."
"Who are You?!"
"My name may not be spoken. I am not yet allowed to be part of the collection."
"Because I am…defective. My head was not properly formed. Until I can replace it I may not be allowed to join the glory of The Collection. I have been appointed gate keeper. Now, announce yourself and be recognized!"
"I am Tarmac, The Traveling Transformer. And this is my trusty sidekick, Chodebot."
Tarmac: "So, once we're 'collected,' can you show us to the fembots? I'd like to get in early, if you know what I mean."
Gate Keeper: "There are no fembots here. Only the Collection."
"No fembots? Well, to hell with that. C'mon, Chodebot, we're leaving."
"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. You can *never* leave. You *will* be collected."
"Pffffh! Yea, right. You and what army? C'mon chodebot. If Fernando is done being dead, maybe we can get some time at the beach."
"What the deuce?!"
"We appear to have been transported."
"Well, that makes our leaving easier. No sense looking a gift chode in the mouth."
"Say... Do you hear ominous music playing in the background?"
Metroplex: "YOU WILL BE COLLECTED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. PREPARING FOR COLLECTION PLACEMENT. IDENTIFY. DATABSE ONLINE. NOW SCANNING. G1..."
Tarmac: "Let me go, you Brute-icus Maximus!!"
Metroplex: "IDENTITY UNKNOWN. NOW SCANNING G2... G3..."
Tarmac: "Foul-Transistored Fiend! Chodebot! Help me! I don't want to be assimilated!!"
Metroplex: "SCANNING EURO DATABASE. IDENTITY UNKNOWN. SCANNING JAPANESE DATABASE. IDENTITY UNKNOWN. SCANNING THIRD PARTY DATABASE. IDENTITY UNKNOWN. SCANNING 'LUNCHTIME SPECIAL'..."
Chodebot: "Don't worry Boss, I've Got This!"
Metroplex: "IDENTITY CONFIRMED. CLASSIFICATION: LUNCHTIME SPECIAL. SUBCATEGORY…. DANGER! DANGER! CUSTOM DETECTED! INITIATE PURGE SEQUENCE!"
(Later, after needed repairs are made...)
"Oooooh, my head. What happened?"
"I feel like I've been stepped on."
"You have been deemed unworthy to join The Collection. You will not be Collected. Leave this domicile at once! You are banned from returning!"
"Fine. I didn't want to be part of your stupid collection anyways. C'mon, Chodebot. Let's get the hell out of here."
Tarmac: "Well, that was another fine mess you got us into."
Chode-bot: "Me? I wasn't the one crying over not being Collected."
Tarmac: "Nonsense. I never wanted to be part of any sort of Collection. For I AM TARMAC, THE TRAVELING TRANSFORMER! I’m a Free Spirit. I must travel and explore."
And now that we'’re safely outside, I’m going to explore this 'Cape Cod' you speak of. Transform, and Roll Out!"
Chodebot: "Ands so ends another adventure. So, how did you do?"
Fernando: "I got this cool shell."
And so we leave our intrepid heroes as they wander aimlessly across the world. Where will their wanderings take them next? Who knows! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Tarmac, The Traveling Transformer!
Note from Lewis: For the record, I have nothing against customs, I even own a few, but this was the best I could come up with after four days of driving all over eastern Massachusetts. No idea what I'm talking about? Click here.|